I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
