Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
