I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
