I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
