i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
