good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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