i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
