I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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