i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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