my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
