is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
