Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
