the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
