We're like a lot better than the average bears
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
