She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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