OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
