I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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