Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
