I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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