Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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