Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
