My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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