I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
