Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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