for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
