I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
