it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
