Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dear god my vagina.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
