someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
