Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
look no pants
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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