just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
