call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
