he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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