I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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