If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
