Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
