Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
