The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
