I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
