I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
