I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
