What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
