I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
