Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
