Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
