please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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