You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
