woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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