alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
