Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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