He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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